Vacating

I'll be back in time for my ultrasound on August 12.
In the mean time, I'll leave you with this clue as to where we went...

One part queasy, nine parts paranoid

I woke up this morning feeling a little off. You know that fuzzy feeling of impending illness that precedes a virus where you don't feel sick yet, but you know something bad is around the corner? That's how I felt: I even told my husband I thought I was coming down with something. I skipped breakfast because I just wasn't hungry and headed to work. As I was walking through the parking garage, I started to feel really unwell and actually dry heaved a little but managed not to throw up - phew. I was convinced I was going to have to go home sick, but I had a meeting I had to attend first and was just hoping I could make it through without having to run for the bathroom. By the time the meeting was done (an hour later) I felt fine. No more sense of impending doom, no more queasy feeling and I was hungry enough to eat a Snickers bar. So weird. Does morning sickness feel like a virus, with chills and the works? I always assumed it was just nausea, like you had eaten something that disagreed with you as opposed to full-on stomach virus symptoms.

Now my dentist knows too

My husband asked me the other day if I was having a hard time refraining from telling people we're expecting. Truthfully, it doesn't feel real yet (still no symptoms) and it hasn't been difficult to remain mum on the subject. Until this morning, when I went in for a routine dental appointment and told the hygienist that I am pregnant in response to her inquiry about whether there has been any change in my health since my last visit. She congratulated me, as did the dentist and even the receptionist who had heard about it by the time I was checking out. It was really fun to tell someone, even though I felt like a bit of a fraud, since all the proof I have are the two betas and being one week late. I did learn that pregnant and nursing women should go in for cleanings every three months because the hormones can cause problems with your gums, so that's good information to have and probably worth the early disclosure.

We are leaving Saturday for a two week stay with my husband's family. Let's just say that we will be living in very close quarters and they are very observant and not afraid to ask questions. So, even though I feel fine today, I'm hoping* that I will start to have some pregancy-related symptoms while we are away. We're trying to figure out how to keep our news from his nosey family who will wonder why I'm nauseous or not drinking and whose first question when someone is ill is if she is pregnant. Honestly, they are lovely people and a very close-knit family but they are used to full disclosure (I can't tell you how many diarrhea stories I've endured over the years) and we want to keep this on the QT until we are out of the first trimester.

*Not that I'm some kind of masochist who is looking forward to nausea and fatigue, but a few symptoms would help reassure me that this pregnancy is still progressing.

Scheduled

The OB ultrasound with my clinic is scheduled for August 12, the day after we return from vacation, and also my mom's birthday. I'm hoping this is another good omen, just like the Cheerio was.

It's official!

Ok, even I am convinced that I'm pregnant now. My beta this morning was 848 and according to this handy calculator, my doubling time is 2.21 which is textbook perfect. I can hardly stand the excitement! The next hurdle is the OB ultrasound which they want me to go in the week of Aug 3, but we're going to be on vacation so I imagine I'll go in the week after. I know there's a long road ahead before I can cross "healthy pregnancy" off my parent-to-be check list, but today I'm just happy to be right where I am.

My heart is so full, I wish I could buy a round of BFPs for everybody who's been hanging out at the IF bar with with me.

Processing

Thank you all for the kind words yesterday, I really appreciate it. I spoke with the nurse and she said that the plan is to look for doubled beta by Thursday and then she will schedule my OB ultrasound at ~6.5 weeks, and assuming all looks good, they will discharge me to my regular doctor. Who I actually have an appointment scheduled with next week for a pap in anticipation of starting IVF in August. I might as well keep the appointment, who knows what could happen, plus it took me forever to get the appointment. Since I only started seeing her a year and half ago, I don't know her really well, so I'd like to chat her up a bit and make sure she's someone I want to continue with should this turn into a full-fledged pregnancy. I'd always assumed I would go with a midwife practice, but I'm not even sure if they take women at my age.

As for pregnancy symptoms, I really have none. Still a little crampy in a PMS kind of way and I feel slightly dehydrated but I've never seen that listed as a symptom. I feel totally normal, it's surreal to think that there might be a collection of cells burrowing into my uterus as I type this. (You can thank my husband for the imagery, he's full of medically correct but unromantic terms for this process).

In retrospect, I have been unusually tired the past few days, but we've also been really busy. We spent the weekend with friends who have an almost 3 year old which was really fun but exhausting. Last night friends from out of town stopped by for a BBQ with their two girls who are 6 and 4. Holy, holy, they had energy with a capital 'E'. They immediately started stalking the cats, going so far as to crawl under my bed to find the big one who is terrified of children. He quickly exited to the basement, but the little one had no such luck and was purred at and petted to within an inch of his sanity. Fortunately he's really good with kids (even at his advanced age and with his medical issues) and he did score a piece of chicken that one of the girls dropped on the floor. When they left at 10 pm I headed straight to bed, I was completely worn out and didn't even clean up the kitchen until this morning.

The glass was half full

Unbelievable.

After all the negativity and planning for the worst, my beta came back at 332. They will repeat on Thursday and then will determine whether or not I am truly pregnant. I almost skipped the beta today because I was feeling so crampy and expecting my period any minute. Huh. Dumbfounded would be the correct term to describe my current state.

I'm holding out for the repeat on Thursday before getting too excited but, wow, just wow.